I'm bored

So I've been stuck at home recuperating from my surgery and am bored stiff. I've watched tv, read the intertubes, talked on the phone, and now I'm done. Poor Steve was bored Saturday morning. I've got a higher tolerance for boredom I guess (what with all that ship-board living I did some years back).
I'm improving daily and am now able to sit down in our slouchy sofa and chairs without having to ask for help getting back up. The one thing I haven't been able to do yet is sleep on my side.
Yeah, you all care sooo much I'm sure. :)

The one thing I did earlier (Friday afternoon) was try and watch the most recent Futurama DVD with the commentary on. I had to stop because I was laughing so hard it hurt. Drove me right to the Oxycodone. Damned Futurama.

I'm home - Part II

More details:

Steve went to work for a bit and the surgeon called him after the surgery to update him on my status and when I'd be coming out of the anesthesia. That was nice of the doctor.

I awoke after the surgery in the recovery room. I don't remember much here either. It was a big room and I was against one wall, so I could see the whole thing. There was a woman across the row facing me and she had a breathing tube in her mouth. There was a nurse talking to me a lot, but I don't remember what she was saying. After some time (10 minutes? 1 hour?) they got me ready to send me to my room. A very, very, very hot nurse/orderly guy came over and rolled my bed to my room. I may have said inappropriate things to him but I can't recall.

The rest is rather uneventful. Steve came back after a bit (maybe 3 or 4?) and stayed with me most of the evening. What a trooper! I was mostly in and out of sleep so he sat there quietly reading his book, chatting with me in my drugged state and watching whatever TV channel I had picked (probably HGTV - he loves that channel - just ask him). They kept taking my vitals and giving me good dope every two hours.

Noland, Matt, and any other boys - begin fantasy here.

Just after Steve left for the evening, the shift changed and two new nurses came by to introduce themselves. They were both hot. Blond, young, thin. They were just as nice as nice could be. They usually came in together. I wonder what else they did together.

Okay, end fantasy. I'm not good at writing lesbian porn for straight guys, I know.

I drifted in and out of sleep most of the night because of all the visits for pain, vitals, blood, etc. At about 11, the nurse came in and asked if I wanted to try walking around. This led to the dizziness and nausea from the earlier post.

Morning finally rolled around and Steve was back to take me home. The surgeon came back to check on me and approved my release. After some paper work, I was released. I changed back into my clothes. Just as I was pulling on my shirt, Steve noticed that I had something attached to my left side, just above the hip. It was one of those suction cups used to monitor things that was left over from the surgery! No big deal, but I had the nurse come back to check and make sure I could take it off. I was wheeled out to Steve's car and we made it home.

And here I am, one day later, feeling much better. I'm still sore, and I've noticed that all of our chairs (couch, love seat, recliner, etc) are a bit too low for comfort right now. Getting in and out of them is not as easy as it used to be but it is easier today than yesterday. Hopefully that pattern will continue.

That's it. Exciting, I know.

I'm home

My surgery went quickly and my overnight stay was uneventful, except for one short episode where I tried to get up and walk (with the nurse's help) and became too dizzy and nauseated to continue.

The nursing staff was nice and competent (except for the whole needle in the arm thing - I was poked a total of 5 times for the IV and blood draw with 2 successful). One nurse was a bit scatter-brained but was nice enough.
For those interested in the details, read on.
For the rest of you, know that I am feeling much better today than yesterday and am walking around freely at home with just minor discomfort. I appreciate all the well wishes.

Now for some details Part I of the experience.

Steve and I arrived at the hospital Thursday morning at about 7:50 am. You can do most of your check-in early (on the web or by phone). I was instructed not to bring any personal things, including money, wallet, id, insurance cards, etc. I guess it is unlikely someone would impersonate me just to get a free surgery, but that seemed a bit weird.
Within a few minutes, a nice older lady volunteer called my name and escorted us to the prep room which was a basic hospital room for one. It was freezing in there. I got naked and slipped on the hospital gown you are all familiar with: hideous pattern and open in the back. Several nurses came in and took my vital signs and inserted my IV (this of the 3 pokes). The nurse who was unsuccessful (she tried twice) was very apologetic and said poking was her best skill.

Stop giggling like a school girl, Noland.

One funny thing was when she first walked in she asked a few questions and then commented how well I spoke english. Yup.

Anyway, my surgery was scheduled for 9:45 but that slipped to about 10:30. My surgeon came in and talked a bit, giving us the low down on the whole thing. Just before carting me away, the anesthesiologist came by and asked a few questions, and gave me the details on the next 10 minutes or so. He was funny and reminded me a bit of Dr. Romano from the early years of E.R. (I also saw the same actor in Seattle in a performance of "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare: Abridged" which was hilarious.) They gave me some good stuff that started the descent into darkness. Then they rolled me away. Steve was with me the whole time and no one batted an eyelash. Cool.

Anyway, I was eventually wheeled into the operating room. It was pretty big, with lots of overhead lights on giant arms that could swing around. I don't remember much about this, but I do remember that the company's name was placed in giant letters on each of the arms. Kind of a waste of advertising if you ask me since I can't remember the name. Anyway, there were lots of people in there and everyone was talking to me. I remember some music playing but I have no idea on the particulars. This very handsome nurse (interesting which details I remember) came over and started talking to me. Then the anesthesiologist put the mask over my face and asked me to breathe deep. I remember looking over to my right and seeing a big desk and my surgeon looking through some papers. I hope he wasn't "brushing up" on what to do.

It's set

My gallbladder removal surgery (medically called a Laparoscopic cholecystectomy) will be on Thursday, September 11th, at 9:45 at the Providence Portland Hospital .
I'll be staying over night on recommendation of my doctor. I expect to be "laid up" for a few days following the surgery. Yippee.

So much for living forever

My organs are failing. Okay, that's overly dramatic. One organ is failing and it wants to go out in a blaze of glory. It's known as the cholecyst, or gallbladder.
Steve drove me to the Providence Milwaukee emergency room this morning about 12:30am because I was having an attack of monumental proportions. (okay, more melodrama.)
It appears I have Gallbladder Disease and gallstones. Fantastic. The most likely scenario is surgery, although it can be managed to some degree with diet. Right.
I've got an appointment with my doctor Friday and a specialist next Wednesday to see what (and when) it goes down.

Poor Steve sat in the waiting room of a Milwaukee emergency room for a few hours until he came back to my "room" to visit. At least it wasn't as freakish as I expected. I've been watching too much TV.

Surgery. Cool.

Ignorance

Okay, I just have to post about this.

Via snopes.com, we have an internet email regarding a change in paid holiday for workers in a Tyson plant in Tennessee - here.
It seems that a good portion of the workers are resettled Somali refugees and Muslims. In the most recent negotiated labor contracts, they requested to have the 3-day Muslim holiday of Eid-alFitr in place of the traditional Labor Day holiday as a paid holiday. The company agreed. 1000 of the 1200 employees are covered under this agreement.
Now, on principle, I have no issue with these employees and union asking for and receiving this change. As a strong supporter of the rights of workers to organize and join unions, I am a little disappointed that Labor Day would be removed, but I'll get over that.
What I find ignorant is the reactionary response from the loonies. The email going around mentions that this is just one example of removing holidays and symbols that made America the "Greatest Country on Earth." As if the French or English grow up chanting "we're #2, we're #2." The email also has this warning attached (in all caps): FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR FAMILY, BE VERY CAREFUL WHO YOU VOTE FOR IN NOVEMBER. A not so veiled swipe at Obama, to be sure.
So, a vote for Obama is a vote against Labor Day, Christmas, Columbus Day. And I suppose a vote for McCain is for Labor? Right.

Wall-E: liberal fascism run amok?

Now that I've seen the move I can provide an honest assessment of this bozo's critique: balderdash!

If you actually see the movie you notice that the people depicted before humanity leaves are all normal.
Not fat. Not skinny. Normal. (whatever that means)
700 years after they leave, everyone is fat. Everyone. They sit in a hover chair all day, they have robots do all their work, and they are constantly eating and drinking (especially cupcake shakes - hmm, gotta try that).

So let's see: high caloric intake + low caloric output = weight gain! Yup. I knew it cause I've lived it.

On to the central point of Wall-E: we are killing the planet. Yes, we are. However, I think the planet will fight back and win in the end if we don't change. It's in her best interest anyway.
Consider this: the population of planet Earth was 1B in the year 1800, just before the industrial revolution. A mere 208 years later, the population of the planet is nearly 7B. The industrial revolution made it easier and cheaper to get all sorts of things: food, clothing, cars, furniture, etc. Is it any surprise that the math tends to show that as there are more humans beings our disposable products will increase? Is that a difficult thing to understand? We are currently recycling less than 5% of all the waste we create.

As a movie, I found Wall-E to be funny, clever, entertaining and had a good moral to the story. It isn't perfect. But it is pretty good.

Neil Patrick Harris + Zack Whedon = musical magic

Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog!
Gotta watch all of them before July 20th (part III goes up the 19th) because they'll "vanish into the night like a phantom".

It couldn't happen to a nicer company

Walmart recently updated its logo. Not that I care. But thanks to the consumerist.com (and vonnegut.com), the gig is up.
It appears that Walmart has come close to approximating a drawing that Vonnegut used in his "Breafast of Champions". It is a drawing of his own asshole. Hilarious.

See for yourself. Coincidence?

Walmart


Vonnegut

I want to go see this!

Boba Fett - Oh the indignity

Very funny/clever... Thanks again to Gizmodo.

Mandalorian Dance
by PatrickBoivin

Me likey!

Thanks Gizmodo!

This is a pretty nice mashup of Google Earth and a hologram machine. I want it!


Holographic Google Earth from Nicolas Loeillot on Vimeo.

On the General Clark hissy fit

So, I say this as a veteran of the Navy: get a grip.

Gen. Wesley Clark said a few days ago on a Sunday talk show that getting in a plane and being shot down (referring to John McCain) doesn't automatically qualify you for President.
Word.
Is that a smear on McCain's service, 5 years of POW status (and repeated torture - ironic now), or patriotism? Nope. Not a bit. Know why?
Because, according to the Constitution of the United States of America (the land in which we live), the qualifications for the job of President are:
1. natural born citizens (or citizens at the time of the Constitution's adoption)
2. at least thirty-five years old
3. inhabitants for at least fourteen years of the United States.

Nowhere in the document does it say anything about serving in the military, wrapping yourself in the flag at every opportunity, or using your experience as a POW as an automatic "gag order". I was a fighter pilot so you can't touch me. Wrong. He was a fighter pilot, and survived a horrific ordeal as a POW.

But holding him up as some sort of idol is ridiculous.

You decide: Miracle of modern science or sign of the impending apocolaypse?

Robotic puppies!

Good bye, Helio. We hardly knew you.

Today it was announced that Helio has been purchased by Virgin Mobile USA. I have been a Helio customer for nigh on 9 months and have been very please with my Ocean, Helio's service, and everything else associated with said company.
I am not all that thrilled about the announcement, but this just makes my move to an iPhone all that more likely. Especially if this is true.

Only in America

Noland, why don't you own this yet?
Waffle Dogger/Crepe On A Stick Maker

George Carlin - pushing up daisies

A comic titan died yesterday. George Carlin was 71 and died of heart failure.
You can visit his website here.
You can visit his wikipedia entry here.

His influences were comedians like Lenny Bruce, the Marx Brothers, Ernie Kovacs, Richard Pryor and Mort Sahl. He influenced the likes of Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, Bill Hicks, Steven Wright, and Bill Maher.

I identified with a great majority of his humor, specifically the topics of religion, greed, and humanity's bullshit.

Your marriage is doomed

So say the apoplectic loonies in regards to California gay marriage. I am patiently waiting for my invitation to George Takei's wedding...

While we all wait, here's the real truth as I would have written it (if I had any talent or desire) - Gays Marry, World Does Not End

That's outrageous!

From the WallstreetJournal (wsj.com) via the consumerist.com:

A Pint-Size Problem
Beer lovers nurse a grudge as some bars switch to smaller glasses
By NANCY KEATES

And so it begins - Obama for America

His speech here

The closing:

In our country, I have found that this cooperation happens not because we agree on everything, but because behind all the labels and false divisions and categories that define us; beyond all the petty bickering and point-scoring in Washington, Americans are a decent, generous, compassionate people, united by common challenges and common hopes. And every so often, there are moments which call on that fundamental goodness to make this country great again.

So it was for that band of patriots who declared in a Philadelphia hall the formation of a more perfect union; and for all those who gave on the fields of Gettysburg and Antietam their last full measure of devotion to save that same union.

So it was for the Greatest Generation that conquered fear itself, and liberated a continent from tyranny, and made this country home to untold opportunity and prosperity.

So it was for the workers who stood out on the picket lines; the women who shattered glass ceilings; the children who braved a Selma bridge for freedom’s cause.

So it has been for every generation that faced down the greatest challenges and the most improbable odds to leave their children a world that’s better, and kinder, and more just.

And so it must be for us.

America, this is our moment. This is our time. Our time to turn the page on the policies of the past. Our time to bring new energy and new ideas to the challenges we face. Our time to offer a new direction for the country we love.

The journey will be difficult. The road will be long. I face this challenge with profound humility, and knowledge of my own limitations. But I also face it with limitless faith in the capacity of the American people. Because if we are willing to work for it, and fight for it, and believe in it, then I am absolutely certain that generations from now, we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick and good jobs to the jobless; this was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal; this was the moment when we ended a war and secured our nation and restored our image as the last, best hope on Earth. This was the moment – this was the time – when we came together to remake this great nation so that it may always reflect our very best selves, and our highest ideals. Thank you, God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of America.

Count me in.